I have been in hiding, mostly from myself. I've been in a nursing home named Woodbine for over two years with a foot gone numb from diabetic neuropathy and swollen so much it might as well be made out of lead. I can only walk short distances with a walker and I need a wheelchair that's uncomfortable for farther trips. They treat me well here, but I have no friends to hang out with. I like most of the workers here though. My nights consist of watching movies and TV show episodes on Netflix and my days are filled with frequently interrupted sleep. No activities offered by Woodbine do anything for me. Bingo? No thank you.
Lately I've felt disconnected from my spiritual path, whatever that is. I feel as though I'm wasting my life, my potential and my ability to do the right thing. I feel as though God is disappointed with me as much as I am with him. I want to do something commensurate with my abilities. My only problem is I don't know what that is. Some of my Quaker friends tried to get me to coordinate a meditation group. I could easily find the day and time, but I got stumped when I had to come up with a location. I don't know how to book all the rooms here, and I'm too shy to ask so far. I don't even know if they want me to do it still. Others want me to write. I reply that I don't have anything to write about.
I pray about it, but in keeping with my flat spiritual life I get nothing. I'm afraid anything I could do would be too much for me. Maybe you can help me come up with something I can do.
I'd give anything to not feel so lost and lonely.
