Heartfires

In Passing

2012-02-05T01:43:00.000-05:00

I wonder what happens after we die. Are we reincarnated into some other life, do we live on in spirit in some afterworld or do we simply feed the worms? I am comforted by the thought of some afterlife and find the prospect of ultimate nothingness very discomforting. What if we don't meet with our departed loved ones when we die, if we do not continue, if we will not be waiting there for the loved ones who come after us, what then?

I have been very afraid lately that there is nothing afterwards. I hope I'm wrong.

But there is really only one way to find out, isn't there?

Awakening

2012-02-02T23:00:00.001-05:00

I watched the 80s TV show Beauty and the Beast last night and cried and cried. I feel so empty, yet I am full of emotion. It seems paradoxical, but maybe I am on the edge of an emotional breakthrough.

I calmed myself by thinking about putting new, lighter gauge strings on my guitar. I have only played maybe for an hour in the last two years. I wasn't spectacular on guitar, but I was good enough and proud of the long-gone callouses on my fingers. Maybe playing again would help with the emotional outbursts. Maybe it'd just be fun again to play.

War for Dummies

2012-02-02T21:43:00.004-05:00

This is a testament to the late Art Buchwald. It's a particularly apt comment on making war. War for Dummies

Spiritual Path

2012-01-08T02:03:00.000-05:00

I have been in hiding, mostly from myself. I've been in a nursing home named Woodbine for over two years with a foot gone numb from diabetic neuropathy and swollen so much it might as well be made out of lead. I can only walk short distances with a walker and I need a wheelchair that's uncomfortable for farther trips. They treat me well here, but I have no friends to hang out with. I like most of the workers here though. My nights consist of watching movies and TV show episodes on Netflix and my days are filled with frequently interrupted sleep. No activities offered by Woodbine do anything for me. Bingo? No thank you.

Lately I've felt disconnected from my spiritual path, whatever that is. I feel as though I'm wasting my life, my potential and my ability to do the right thing. I feel as though God is disappointed with me as much as I am with him. I want to do something commensurate with my abilities. My only problem is I don't know what that is. Some of my Quaker friends tried to get me to coordinate a meditation group. I could easily find the day and time, but I got stumped when I had to come up with a location. I don't know how to book all the rooms here, and I'm too shy to ask so far. I don't even know if they want me to do it still. Others want me to write. I reply that I don't have anything to write about.

I pray about it, but in keeping with my flat spiritual life I get nothing. I'm afraid anything I could do would be too much for me. Maybe you can help me come up with something I can do.

I'd give anything to not feel so lost and lonely.

Gaia Anyone?

2008-06-28T10:59:00.043-04:00

I tend to believe that we live in a clockwork universe, where God created everything, "wound it up," and then pretty much vanished from the scene to wait for time to run out. Otherwise, I think, if God somehow actively participated in the world where natural disasters routinely take thousands of lives, she'd be complicit in murder. But she did leave us the free will to channel her love into the world.

Another idea occurred to me a few days ago. What if she does actively participate in this world? What if the Earth is alive, and has its own free will that is respected by God?

This isn't a new thought. Some believe in Gaia, the "child" of the Gaia hypothesis first posited by ecologist and environmentalist James Lovelock in the late 60's. He believed that the Earth is a superorganism, a single organism composed of other organisms such as its atmosphere, oceans, crust, polar icecaps, fauna, flora, etc. He named this superorganism Gaia, after the Greek goddess of the Earth.

Some folks ran with the spiritual/mystical aspect of the hypothesis. Many believe that not only is Gaia alive, but that it's a sentient being. Thus would Gaia have the choice to be good or bad, as do we. God's love could flow through Gaia as through us, giving God not only the power to act through our hearts, but through the heart of Gaia as well.

I know...far out stuff, but it begs the question: If there is a tragic disaster, is Gaia making a choice to be evil or just letting its systems play out according to its nature? Do we ever "let our systems play out," or do we have a choice in each action that we take? Can there be sentience without that choice?

I'll just have to wonder. Whenever a tornado diverts radically from its track towards a town - is it the Earth being kind?

Guilty Pleasures

2008-06-21T13:25:00.015-04:00

This is where I confess to reading comedy websites, either gross, politically incorrect, sarcastic, ironic, parodic or just generally -ic.

The Borowitz Report
Cracked.com
Fark.com
Mark Fiore
The Onion
Weird Universe

If you need a quick comedy fix, after carefully glancing around to make sure no one can see what you're snickering at, these should do it for you. Some are brilliant satire, while some are just demented. Enjoy!

What would you do if you weren't afraid?

2008-06-07T11:03:00.010-04:00

Spencer Johnson asked that in his thoughtful and clever (and unread by me) 1998 book Who Moved My Cheese?. But even the implications of that question frighten me. I've always been afraid, clutching my fear to me, afraid to lose what I'm so familiar with, even though it's mostly shaped my life for ill.

I've always been discouraged easily. I'll start or plan to do something and either get paralysis by analysis, or I tell folks I got depressed and just couldn't go on (back of hand to forehead as I gaze stoically into the distance). The depression part is true some of the time, but mostly I'm just afraid to change anything: being fat, being physically & emotionally disabled, being diabetic, being a host to several other diseases and disorders. It's what I'm used to.

I could change most of these things for the better by pursuing weight loss by way of the gastric bypass surgery I wrote about in the last post. But instead I dick around telling people I'm in an depressive episode and/or I'm trying to deal with more pain issues that usual. They're both true at the moment, but how am I to pursue the surgery to the end if I even balk at the beginning?

What would I do if I wasn't afraid? I might be thinner...many of my physical and emotional problems might be partly or fully resolved. I might be an author, a poet, a musician, a teacher. There's no telling what beauty might find expression through me, or what unfamiliar fears will come to challenge me. Perhaps I'll be strong enough then to face them fearlessly, learning what lessons they bring, and then moving past them.

What would I do if I wasn't afraid? I might probably, finally, be alive.

Stomach Stitching

2008-05-30T15:21:00.012-04:00

I have a lot of medical issues. I won't beat you over the head with the list, but obesity is by far the worst, being the root of so many others. I weigh 360 lbs and I'm about 5'-8". Obesity adversely affects most of the other maladies: arthritis, diabetes, high blood pressure, sleep apnea, back problems and even depression. Losing weight could lead to these and other issues being at least partially resolved.

Recently I found out that that bariatric (obesity) surgeons were taking Medicare again. They'd stopped taking it for a while. Needless to say, I was quite pleased. But I have a lot of things I have to do to get the pre-op process in motion, like a six month physician monitored diet. There's also a requirement for psychiatric certification. Given that psych issues have been a lifelong destructive presence in my life, this could be a bit sticky.But I'm having a mild depressive episode right now and, as my grandmother used to say, my get up and go just got up and went. Maybe I'm afraid of change to the extent that I won't do what I need to do to radically change my life, which is what I suspect is happening. But I WILL come up with a plan to do what I need to do, and then just DO it..."doing" has always been the hard part for me.I've had a meeting with one surgeon, but I didn't feel like he was really interested in helping me get through the Medicare mill. So I want to see at least one or two more surgeons to see if I'll feel more supported by them and their staffs. Anyway, that's it for now.

I'm back (sort of)

2008-05-21T14:00:00.011-04:00

I have returned. I don't know how often I'll be posting, but I will be here from time to time. I've also changed the focus of this blog from a political and spiritually progressive focus to a lighter format, more in keeping with where I want to be now.

That said, I'm still a big Obama fan...I have thrown my hat in the metaphorical ring to become, behatted, an agent of change in my own small way. I wear my official Obama baseball cap every day to testify to my devotion. I suppose I could put a bumper sticker on my butt, but the paper would come off in the washer and make me pick little pieces of paper off all my clothes.

These are the issues that with myself I too much discuss.

Taking a Break (sort of)

2006-08-26T13:46:00.000-04:00

I think I've burned out on this blog. I can't keep up with politics like I could anymore...it actually seems to be increasing my anxiety level and sense of helplessness. I'll still be posting as I find things that appeal to me, they're just likely to be few and far between.

Besides that, I don't get the visitors I'd hoped. Hard to write for next to no audience, even if I am a motormouth. LOL

Public Stoning: Not Just for the Taliban Anymore

2006-08-15T10:34:00.000-04:00

Sometimes I don't know why I keep reading newsfeeds. So many only upset me. I don't know what kind of numbers are involved, so I don't want to overreact, but I've heard this kind of stuff before and it scares the shit out of me.

Further confusion as to how men are supposed to act.

2006-08-14T08:51:00.000-04:00

So "real men" don't cry anymore? I have no idea how I'm supposed to act towards women now. I guess I'll just follow my admittedly dinosaur instincts and hope I don't get berated.

Ketamine for Depression

2006-08-12T14:25:00.000-04:00

This is good news! An extremely rapid acting antidepressant medication reported by NIH to fill in during the usual six to eight week delay before traditional antidepressants begin to work.

The only problem I can see is the potential for abuse for this popular street drug. I'm still excited though. Six weeks (six hours) is too long to wait to begin to have hope restored with the perception of life as full of possibilities rather than obstacles.

Criminal Administration

2006-08-12T12:13:00.000-04:00

I applaud John Conyers and his staff for preparing this document on the crimes committed by the Bush administration. I am saddened that these egregious violations are permitted to continue and/or go unpunished. There is no democracy where the rule of law is not enforced for the select few.

Jewish Magazine Calls For Peace

2006-08-01T16:09:00.000-04:00

Congratulations to Rabbi Michael Lerner for leading the movement to publish this ad. He also wants to publish the same ad in Israeli and Lebanese papers and requires more financial support to do so.

In the Supermarket Line

2006-08-01T11:23:00.000-04:00

This article is right on in my opinion, but fails to cover how I can go through the lines to briefly avoid living my own life by living through the lives of celebrities.

What could be more important?

With Ineptitude on Full Display, the Party's Over for Republicans

2006-07-30T16:04:00.000-04:00

Garrison Keillor's comments on the Republican Party.

Welcome to the Police State

2006-07-29T18:22:00.000-04:00

Oh my dear God! Just when I can't imagine things getting any worse.

I Am a Liberal Airhead

2006-07-13T16:59:00.000-04:00

Try this Authoritarian Personality test. Is it wrong to LIKE being an airhead? LOL

Why universal health care is MORAL

2006-07-13T14:24:00.000-04:00

An excellent article on single-payer health care. The provision of health care for everyone is as much a right as education. There are many ways to implement universal health care, but I believe the single-payer method to be the least costly and most effective.

Street Prophets' Interview With Barack Obama

2006-07-12T17:27:00.000-04:00

This is my third post on the Obama speech to the Spiritual Renewal Conference:

First Article: Text of Speech
Second Article: Clarification

I hope this clears up the misunderstandings, but I doubt it. I welcome the chance to read more about Senator Obama's vision for the religious left.

Religious Left is Coming Alive

2006-07-12T08:39:00.000-04:00

Maybe we won't have hate, but will anger applied in love do? Maybe it'll be easier to get behind the issues of those who don't cast stones to be divisive, but apply reason to persuade instead. Anyway, what will people choose when offered a choice between hatred and love?

The Politics of American Greed

2006-07-12T08:31:00.000-04:00

"It seems to me that we've seen enough evidence over the years that the capitalist system is not going to be destroyed by an outside challenger like communism -- it will be destroyed by its own internal greed."

This is shameful. What would happen if we let ALL the people speak, rather than just the rich and the powerful?

Nobody Expects The Spanish Inquisition!

2006-07-10T20:33:00.000-04:00

I didn't read Brooks' column, but reading this gave me a good shot of humor for the day. Thankee pastordan.

The title of this post is also the title of a skit by Monty Python, shown at right. As in most things Pythonesque, the transcript does little to convey the delightful silliness, unless you're like my youngest daughter, who looks at me incredulously and asks, "This is funny?"

How often I despair of our youth!

Is Duck, Duck, Goose Next?

2006-07-10T18:16:00.000-04:00

Oh for crying out loud! Maybe they should just abolish fun altogether and get it over with!

Critiquing the Religious Left

2006-07-09T13:56:00.000-04:00

This thought provoking article talks about transforming the religious left, currently not very organized and lacking a cohesive philosophy other than expressing a desire to "help," into a force for action on "...political, social and economic justice..."

Wiccan Soldier Denied Memorial

2006-07-09T13:34:00.000-04:00

"Correct me if I’m mistaken, but I believe this soldier gave his life in part to protect and defend religious freedoms"

Blessed be!

Heavily Armed and Trained Aryan Racists

2006-07-09T13:29:00.000-04:00

Where have I heard this before?

We employ neo-Nazis and skinheads as armed emissaries of a country that went to war in the 40s to defeat the terrible threat of those with a like philosophy? What price will we pay when we become more like those my father's generation fought in Europe?

North Korean missile tests

2006-07-09T11:53:00.000-04:00

Believe me, I'm concerned about North Korea having nuclear weapons, and I hope I don't underestimate the danger to those countries closer to North Korea. But if I understand the situation correctly (which is by no means a given), North Korea and the United States at least are well-matched in terms of the missile tests. North Korea has long-range missiles that don't work, and the U.S. has a missile defense system that doesn't work either.

Ann Coulter

2006-07-09T11:47:00.000-04:00

Why does anyone pay any attention to this woman and continue to encourage her to spread her philosophy of hate? If we ignore her, won't she eventually go away?

Bill Moyers on Faith & Reason II

2006-07-08T01:12:00.000-04:00

I really enjoyed the interview with Jeanette Winterson this week! What a warm, articulate, funny and honest woman. What she spoke about and how she spoke were quite intriguing.

"...since the Enlightenment in the 18th Century, we have privileged reason, logos, the empirical sense, finding proofs for things, discovering things that can be touched, and tested in the universe. Absolute rationality has seemed to be the key to our advancements. And in many ways this Enlightenment, this rationality, this dependency on logic and reason, has freed us from many cruel superstitions, many nameless terrors. It also brought us technological advancements, of civilized advancements. But it's not sufficient."

"And the Greeks, for instance, who were a very rational set of people, still knew that there were two ways of arriving at truth. And it's Plato who makes the distinction between mythos and logos. That there is a mythic truth, which is an imaginative truth, and emotional truth, a way of understanding the world which is not about the facts and the figures, but which is never the less, valid. And we need to have kind of a balance. So, things need to be held in balance. And you wouldn't want to use mythic truth to tell you how to mend your washing machine, for instance."

The rapper/playwright Will Power was also interviewed, primarily about his hip-hop version of Aeschylus' play, Seven Against Thebes, the continuing story of Oedipus' sons. Once again, it was the first interview, with Jeanette, that really got to me.

Progressives: Stop Waiting for a Hero

2006-07-04T12:26:00.000-04:00

"...progressive values cannot be saved by heroes. Progressive values can only be saved by ordinary citizens living up to their principles."

Put away the flags

2006-07-04T12:04:00.000-04:00

"...nationalism is given a special virulence when it is said to be blessed by Providence. Today we have a president, invading two countries in four years, who announced on the campaign trail last year that God speaks through him.

"We need to refute the idea that our nation is different from, morally superior to, the other imperial powers of world history.

"We need to assert our allegiance to the human race, and not to any one nation."

I am lately much ashamed to be an American, but I love this country and want to help it acheive its inherent potential. But if blind belief in America is supporting a national narcissism, then perhaps this article by Howard Zinn will give us thought as to how we might heal these pathologies.

Willie Nelson for President?

2006-07-03T23:17:00.000-04:00

Hey, he'd have my vote!

Senator Obama Clarifies Points from Speech About Religion

2006-07-01T17:44:00.000-04:00

This interview of Senator Barack Obama clarifies some of the distortions and misunderstandings (mostly courtesy of an AP story) from his speech to the Call to Renewal conference. The speech has been criticized from the secular left, as well as the religious right.

I believe that this kind of talk from a man of Obama's standing gives "permission" for people of faith to stand up for what they believe in, no longer heeding the tyranny of the religious right, who reserve to themselves alone the right to define what Christianity and moral behavior are. Linking the strength of God with the dedication of secular progressives to improve the world for all seems a good idea to me, NOT to court votes, but to work towards realizing a common goal to heal a wounded world.

Definitions of Power

2006-07-01T16:03:00.000-04:00

This is an excerpt from Starhawk's book Truth or Dare where she talks about three kinds of power. When I hear the word power, I think of the kind of power where one seeks to dominate. Starhawk calls this power-over. But there are two other kinds of power: power-with and power-from-within. I read this book years ago and this part stuck with me and I wanted to share it with you.

Bill Moyers on Faith & Reason

2006-07-01T12:43:00.000-04:00

I really loved this PBS show last night, with Bill Moyers interviewing writer Mary Gordon and philosopher Colin McGinn. I was especially fascinated by Mary's story...her growth as a person. From a childhood of wanting martyrhood so much that she prepared herself for suffering by putting thorns in her shoes, to a person with of insight, humor, honesty and a living faith complete with its necessary complement of doubt.
She is saddened at the fundamentalism and consumerism that threaten what she values most.

A favorite quote from her interview:

"So that now it seems that one of the most important human divisions is between those who think of religion as a major threat to our survival as a species. And those for whom our survival without it would seem to have no meaning."

Colin's interview didn't capture me the way Mary's did, but was interesting nonetheless.

I plan to watch the rest of the series...thoughtful, intelligent and inspiring.

Milgram experiment

2006-07-01T11:33:00.000-04:00

This Wikipedia article on the infamous Milgram experiment frightens me no end. Conducted around the same time as the Eichmann war crimes trial in the early 60s, these experiments were intended to determine if a participant would follow the instructions of an authority to the point of violating their own conscience. Horrifyingly, over two-thirds of the test subjects overrode their humaneness to perform acts of cruelty as directed. Hmmm...

'Call to Renewal' Keynote Address

2006-06-28T13:02:00.000-04:00

This is Senator Barack Obama's address to the Call to Renewal conference, organized by Jim Wallis, stating that mainstream Christian evangelicals have much to offer progressive politics with their belief in social justice and good stewardship of the environment. He also said that the secular left would be wise to relinquish their avoidance of religious folks, and to allow them to help fulfill a common vision.

Religious Liberals Gain New Visibility

2006-06-27T05:05:00.000-04:00

This article, written by Caryle Murphy and Alan Cooperman, is about a "sighting" of a growing progressive political trend that I'm very enthusiatic about. What would happen if we changed the "bottom line" of business and government from just the acquisition of money and power to love and caring, kindness and generosity?

The Children of Iraq Have Names

2006-06-27T04:51:00.000-04:00

This beautiful poem by David Krieger reminds me that the dead in Iraq, though so often nameless to us, are far more than just numbers.

Because a great nation deserves the truth

2006-06-24T12:29:00.000-04:00

John in DC is pretty harsh in this post, especially in heaping coals indiscriminately on the head of all Baptists, but I'm afraid the rest of it resonates all too well with my inner pessimist.

True-Believer Progressives, Here's Why You Turn So Many People Off

2006-06-22T11:42:00.000-04:00

Russell Shaw's post reminds us of the importance of respectfully standing up for what we believe.

Reducing Homelessness with the "Housing First" program

2006-06-19T14:59:00.000-04:00

Here's a great and radical strategy for seeing that the homeless are humanely treated and off the streets.

That Look -- It's Catching!

2006-06-01T14:43:00.000-04:00

This article by Stacey Colino makes a LOT of sense to me. It's certainly something to remember as you go through the day. Do you want those you encounter to be "infected" by positive or negative feelings from you? Smile. Be gentle.

Top 10 Signs of the Impending U.S. Police State

2006-05-26T11:07:00.000-04:00

I hope Allan Uthman is just getting carried away in this article, but in my times of despair I've often felt that this is where our country is headed.

Will we soon watch helplessly as King George is coronated?

Understanding Neo-Con

2006-05-24T15:36:00.000-04:00

This Philip Slater article offers examples of how some words have been hijacked by the neocons.

Doublespeak, anyone?

The Doctor's Office

2006-05-07T20:11:00.000-04:00

Good article by Benjamin Brewer, M.D. on Single Payer Health Insurance! From the Wall Street Journal, no less!!

Behavioral techniques in dietary treatment for obesity

2006-05-06T13:38:00.000-04:00

This article has some pretty good weight loss tips I hadn't seen before.

We're all in it together.

2006-05-03T15:46:00.000-04:00

In this article by Paul Waldman, "The answer to the question, “What do progressives believe at their core?” is this: Progressives believe we’re all in it together."

Yes!

How about this for the coming midterms?

Many Large Corporations Show Characteristics of Psychosis

2006-05-03T01:17:00.000-04:00

Joel Bakan has really opened my eyes in this article. I'm horrified to discover that corporations seem to control so many aspects of our lives. And what does this do to our vote? How can we compete with Big Money for any legislator's attention? Faced with a choice between responding to us or to corporate campaign contributors, how many would have the integrity to resist seduction by corporations?

Beyond Hope

2006-05-03T00:59:00.000-04:00

In this article from Derrick Jensen, an environmental activist, he makes observations that can be applied to most progressive issues as well.

He maintains that we should strive to banish our hope as well as fear. As Pema Chödrön said:

"Without giving up hope - that there's somewhere better to be, that there's someone better to be - we will never relax with where we are or who we are."

Now I Know I Have Outrage Fatigue

2006-05-02T15:05:00.000-04:00

In this article, Joel Bleifuss points out that progressives have been so angry for all six years of the Bush administration that we now find it difficult to summon up any indignation over even the most egregious offenses.

Narcissistic personality disorder: Diagnosing the U.S. ‘national character’

2006-04-20T12:10:00.000-04:00

This article by Robert Jensen explains a lot.

The Incompetent Dufus

2006-04-19T14:06:00.000-04:00

Should I be frightened because this cartoon by David Horsey makes sense to me?

If I Were Christian

2006-04-15T11:36:00.000-04:00

Sometimes it takes someone from "without" to remind those "within" of their core values. This article is a reminder that Jesus' words were words of love.

Depression Sufferer Insufferable

2006-03-16T17:12:00.000-05:00

This article, is from The Onion, a great satirical website I visit often.

I swear to God though...Gary Blanke's situation explains how I feel sometimes in the middle of a depressive episode. It (sadly) hits home, while still eliciting a tentative chuckle.

I Wish Someone Would Do Something About How Fat I Am

2006-03-16T10:09:00.000-05:00

Another wicked article from The Onion.