Do You Want to be Healed?

Please.
Do not heal me.
I am afraid to loose my death-grip
on the shadows that secure me
to the only world I've ever known;
to wait
in the undifferentiated darkness
for the curtain to rise
on a new act -
a new scene;
a life freed
from the pain of the past and powered by the realization
of eternity.

I am afraid to look with too much longing
on the kingdom
afraid that it will vanish
in the instant
that I reach out my hand.

And yet I cannot help but whisper
this longing in my heart.

But please -
please do not heal me.
Only stop the pain.
I do not know
if I can bear the touch
of your love's sweet birthing flame.